The Randomness

Here's a story I made.
There lived a boy named Randomness. Boy comes in from another story. His trait that fitted him most obviously was (you guessed it, self-explanatory). He had everything to do with random. He sounded random, acted random, said random stuff, and even was random. The first day of his life, he jumped up and sang the lyrics “Party Like a Rock Star” in the sound of the national anthem, knocked into the doctor and screamed his lungs out saying, “Grand-alien-father, get me an empty glass of oranges or you’ll really get the slappin’ you deserved!” Then the doctor got an empty glass for Randomness, and he said, “Why doesn’t anyone listen to me? Don’t you know that energy actually equals 27 potatoes instead of mass times the speed of light squared? Where are your priorities, woman?” The doctor ran away immediately. Randomness turned to his parents and looked all weird and said, “Tell me all 5000 dead verbs or it’s TPCASTT for you, guys! And don’t think about taking the donuts in my stomach! I’m keeping them!” Soon, Randomness was out roaming the streets for alms. By then, he turned 7. He found an awesome house guarded by two body-guards. The guards said,”What do you want?” “I want Bill Gate-opener to open this gate and slam trumpets on your pineapples!” “ID?” “BOB FIGERNI!!!” “Go away, kid.” “Ok.” Rand said politely. That’s his nickname. He left and soon found his parent’s house and went in. He had seen “Pushing Daisies”, so he touched everything and then touched his parents in bed at 2:00 AM. Jake Boy, the dad, woke up and shouted, “HE WAS A GOOD MAN! *weep*” Rand walked into his room and thought of Franc, the wedding director from ‘Father of the Bride’ and said the whole thing about making the ‘kind of cake because the cake determines what kind of wedding you’re going to have.’ That was hilarious to Rand. The next morning, Rand drove his parents to Starbucks and asked for a Star Wars IV frapuccino with foam. The coffee maker didn’t have any, so she told him to watch Star Wars IV and dump foam all over the TV. Rand got bummed out. He drove his parents back home and wanted to go to a hot tub social with no water and just lemonade. His parents said, “You are ironic, random, and weird. What’s the next thing you’re going to be?” “A texting triple decker baloney chicken that plays baseball in casinos. Why’d you ask? Poker, anyone?” His parents fainted. That left us with Rand with playing at home and messing up the furniture, when his parents woke up and saw the mess. But Rand was just playing the drum set that he didn’t have, and doing pre calculus that he didn’t know which was pretty easy. His parents grounded him for five years in an open cardboard box. He never seemed to get out, for some reason…